There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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