Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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