WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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