Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
