Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
