I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
