I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
