I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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