why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can text with my tongue
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
