guys are not supposed to queef...right?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize