First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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