i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
