OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
