i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
