I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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