This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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