I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
