I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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