...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
