I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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