you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
