haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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