I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
