i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
