god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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