Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
