Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
