I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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