I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
