Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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