I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
