drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
