i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize