I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
