she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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