sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
