well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
