I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
