hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
