She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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