I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
