I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
