Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize