I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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