so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
