Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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