How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
