My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
