I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
