On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
