some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
im on a boat
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