is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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