She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
