I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
