Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
