we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
