Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
