Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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