can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
