He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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