Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
