I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
