nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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