The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
