I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize