Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
