Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize