How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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