I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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