U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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