this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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