I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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