she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
