So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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