I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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