she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
