she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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