So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
