Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
