We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
