So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
