it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize