better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
