Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
