And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize