I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
