wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
