did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
