I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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