Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
