I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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