hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
