If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
