I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
