I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
