I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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