my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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