too bad you live with your parents still
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
