Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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