are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
