im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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