News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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