I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
