i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
