Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
