just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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