You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
