tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
