i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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